either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
