we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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