I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
