It was confusing and full of hummus
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
