I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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