i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
