I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
