I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
