I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
