Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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