So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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