i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
