Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
