i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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