I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
