I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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