What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
