she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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