your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
