If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
only if we run a train.
done.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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