pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
her vagine was all disorganized.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just want nice things and good sex
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
