I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
