bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
