I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
