Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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