I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
