So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
