I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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