i'm signing you up for texting rehab
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
