just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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