the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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