the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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