Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
