you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
