I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
