Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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