I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
