My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
