I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
