Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I will be naked everywhere
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
