Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
