i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
