that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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