my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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