The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
