I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
