I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
