you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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