They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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