Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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