Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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